Yesterday we have seen each other. The last time we
have been together was two weeks ago. And in the middle…just silence. Silence
that hurts. Silence that screams. Silence that doesn’t bring anything good. And
a few messages and phone conversations full of hate and misunderstandings.
I cannot stop asking myself did I do my best to keep
us together. Or was I just too proud and let the feeling of superiority to win.
So on, and so on…There are thousands questions in my head making their own
party. And I hope it is a hell of a party! Because of that my head is about to
explode. Oh my God, oh my God! Down deep inside me I am screaming these words,
and trying to understand how we reached that level. Just until a moment ago we
have been the happiest couple in the world, trying to settle our own nest,
trying to make a baby. And what are we now? Two strangers that hate each other?
Two persons that shoot each other with poison arrows instead of making love?
Why are we trying so hard to make the other one to suffer? We are really giving
our best to succeed in this.
Actually, maybe people are cursed. How is it possible
that we have the strength to breed hate, jealousy, and all negative feelings
inside us? Is this devil playing with us, are we his own puppets? I know that
some of you will say that devil doesn’t exist. OK, let it be like that. Good or
bad, black or white, there are always two sides. It’s up to us which one we are
going to choose. Wouldn’t be world be a better place to live on with more love
on it? Why do we make place in our hearts for any other feeling? Isn’t love
that secret force that can move the mountains? Why do we allow to be infected
with evil and let love die? Shouldn’t we be able to die for love? Maybe this
happens only in fairy tales. And as a child I have read lots of them. But still,
deep inside of me I believe that it is possible to keep it alive, not just to
believe in it. Do you agree with me, or you think that I am wrong? What can we
do to keep our love alive?
Firstly, we need to love the idea of love. This means
that no matter what, never give up. Yes, love between two people can die, and
people say lot of ugly things when they are hurt…But, do not allow that hate
conquer that territory that should be fulfilled with warm feelings. Your heart
will probably be broken after a breakup, and yes, you may suffer and cry. But
please, do not close your heart. That is the second thing you should do. Love
your pet, love flowers in your garden, love life…Find the reason to live for,
life is full of beautiful things. You just need to listen to yourself, and find
the mechanism that will keep you far away from bad thoughts. Go out, smile,
hang out with friends, ride a bike, read…do whatever you enjoy. And believe me,
in a while, the sunshine will slowly sneak into your broken heart and heal it.
Do not get me wrong, you are not a bad person if you
don’t cry a river after a breakup. Tears are not a solution anyway. Maybe you
will feel better if you fall in love in another person, or just want to have
one night stand, and that is perfectly OK. Even if you need a help from the
therapist, this doesn’t mean that you are crazy. Sometimes it is much better to
open your soul to a complete stranger who will not ask too many questions. Friends
can be judgmental, ask things you don’t want to talk about. Some of them can
even pretend they care about you, and actually savor your suffering. As I
mentioned above, the cure for your suffer is inside you.
My reason for moving on is my child. Yes, she is my
sunshine and the reason to enjoy life. My smile needs to stay on…I am her role
model, and I need to be happy, and she gives me the strength to live, to love,
to smile, to be positive. Yes, it’s as simple as that.
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